Welcome to TheOhioOutdoors
Wanting to join the rest of our members? Login or sign up today!
Login / Join

The story of Geoffrey. Behavioral issues and Learning disabilities?

hickslawns

Dignitary Member
Supporting Member
39,721
248
Ohio
Many of you may remember a post I made about my son, Garrett. He was being labeled as ADD by his teachers. We had taken him to the doctor and had him tested. We had talked to teachers specializing in this area. They agreed with us. He does not have ADD. We found a doctor specializing in vision. Garrett's issues have been determined to be vision related. He has troubles with his eyes tracking. Essentially, they do not work together very well.

Some of you know we have recently taken in my wife's nephew, Geoffrey. Geoffrey DOES have ADD/ADHD, and ODD. I am sure most of you are aware of ADD/ADHD. ODD is oppositional defiant disorder. What does this mean? The boy likes to argue. Different things trigger it. At school, this is a major problem. He has no respect for his teacher. If she tells him 2+2=4 and he has 2+2=5, he will argue with her until he is in a full blown tantrum. I am talking kicking, screaming, hiding under desks, cussing, destroying books, harming himself, attacking the teacher. . . . it isn't good. I know this sounds completely unacceptable, and it is. This is the reason he has been in an alternative behavioral school since first grade. Geoffrey is now 11.

For the last two years he has been in his parents home, his grandparents home, back to his parents, removed from parental custody, and placed in 3 different foster homes. The state attempted to place him with family members several times. Until we were assured the parents would NEVER again have the opportunity to regain custody, we were not interested in taking him in. We could not bring ourselves to invite him into our home, change our childrens' lives, and then watch him ripped out of our home and placed with his parents again. We are now the permanent legal custodians of Geoffrey.

I do not say this to pat my own back nor am I looking for any attaboys. I will say, until you are in this position, I do not feel anyone can know what decision they will make. I teetered with this subject up to the point we were taking custody. There is no looking back now.

With "no returns or exchanges", my wife and I are 100% committed to finding answers. He is on the medications he needs to be on to help curb some of his behavioral issues. He remains in the alternative behavioral school. He sees a counselor every other week which he has for at least the last 5 years, possibly longer. Being in our home, he is also receiving the structure and love he has desperately needed for a long time. We realize there will be a time period of adjustment. Trust me, the honeymoon is over. We are definitely in the adjustment period. During this time, we have few options but to stick to our guns with the structure and discipline he needs. There have been and will continue to be plenty of ups and downs.

What we are realizing the longer we work with him is: There might be more to this than just "behavioral issues". While he is 2-3 years behind in school acedemically, he struggles to grasp even the most basic concepts. Tonight my wife and I discussed this topic. It is my opinion our 8 year old son will surpass Geoffrey next school year as Garrett enters third grade. Geoffrey continues to count on his fingers, count out loud, and fails to grasp basic concepts. What he learned two days ago he has totally forgotten. He NEEDS to know what was taught two days ago in math class in order to do the homework assigned today! You cannot make comparisons either. Examples do not work unless they are the most basic examples "even a caveman could do it". In math, he can do the math if it is a pattern. Show him the pattern and he can replicate it. Ask him "Why?" and he has no idea. He can follow patterns, but this is not learning concepts. I have asked my father (a teacher of 43 years) and several friends of the family who are retired teachers. They have offered suggestions, but I don't want to become a teacher. I want to learn myself what it is that is holding him back. I want Geoffrey to learn. Repetition is okay and necessary for some issues, but I don't have time to give him a 4 hour lesson every night after school. I am willing to help, but at some point, I am not helping but rather failing my family by allowing him to consume all my time. Here is another example. We had a discussion about names at the dinner table a couple weeks ago. Geoffrey did not know what his last name was. We thought he was joking, teasing, lying, or otherwise just did not feel like playing along. Fast forward to this past weekend. Erin took him to a doctor's appointment. The nurse asked Geoffrey his last name. He did not know. He looked to Erin for the answer. At this point, we knew we had bigger problems than basic behavioral issues. How far behind is an 11 year old that cannot tell you his last name? This is preschool material we are talking about. We are starting to believe there is a bigger underlying issue at the forefront of his struggles.

Why did I type all this? I doubt we are alone. My post about our son, Garrett, and his eye tracking issues was received with great response. I am sure there are others facing similar issues. Feel free to post your experiences. Educate me. Help us to help our nephew, Geoffrey. Shoot me a PM if you do not wish to post your child's struggles online. I understand. I can certainly respect this. We are starting our search for Geoffrey's problems with a trip to the doctor that is helping Garrett with his eye issues. We are first going to rule out Geoffrey's eyesight as being the issue. After this step, we will look to his teacher, counselor, and the school staff. I have already sent them an email. I have basic understanding of the common learning disabilities. I have zero knowledge on how to deal with them. I have no clue what to look for or what alternative teaching methods we should be implementing at home. I look forward to your responses. Trust me when I say, we desperately need to find answers if we are going to help this boy. Structure, discipline, and love only go so far.

Maybe I should add, we have worked on different reward programs. We have used removing privileges and adding extra chores. We have gotten to the point of making daily rewards for his behavior. His lack of retention and focus make long term goals very difficult. We still remind him of long term goals, but we must focus on the day to day goals if he is ever to achieve long term goals. The trust in this boy is gone. The self esteem in this child has never been there. We must work with him one step at a time if he will ever achieve the goals we set with him. He must taste success in small bites. He has to crawl before he walks. For this reason, I feel we must address his learning difficulties prior to his behavioral issues to be rectified. He needs to learn trust. He needs to learn structure. He needs to learn discipline. He needs to learn. If he can learn, his struggles with school will be diminished. When he is not struggling as much at school, I feel his behavior will improve. This won't happen overnight, but we must start somewhere.

I am sorry for the novel. This is a very complex subject with years of layers. Layers of crap in a life NO 11 year old deserves. We didn't create this, but we are his one chance to break out of the downward spiral he has been on. Any suggestions from my friends on TOO will help. Thanks in advance.
 

Buckmaster

Senior Member
14,362
191
Portage
You spelled it out quite nicely there Phil. It's all on paper. Print this off and give to his doctor, counselors, psychologist, teacher, pastor, etc. They are the ones that deal in this daily. We can offer suggestions but they are the paid professionals. If you recall my niece was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD then passed to brain cancer. We'll never know the outcome of her potential. In my heart I think all her problems began at conception as a result of drugs and alcoholism with her parents. The root cause is very deep rooted and sometimes can't be changed, only dealt with. As the child matures into adulthood, they can learn to control their onset trigger factors, urges, and their behavior better. I have a 41 year old friend that still takes his meds for ADHD. He's a changed man when taking his meds. That's the best I can offer at this time.
 

hickslawns

Dignitary Member
Supporting Member
39,721
248
Ohio
In my heart I think all her problems began at conception as a result of drugs and alcoholism with her parents.

I have very few doubts many of his issues stem from this same problem. We didn't create these problems, but we are dealing with them now. I only reach out to the TOO community for suggestions on where to turn. Doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and the like have not really been interested in doing anymore than seeing him, putting him on the meds to subdue the behaviors, and push him out the door. The schools deal with him because it is their job. This school wouldn't exist if not for students like him. They have gone above and beyond what a person should do though. I have been very impressed with the dedication of the school staff. We have the personal cell phones of his teacher and guidance counselor. They have both responded to texts after hours and have had entire days of communication via texts with my wife and I to help get Geoffrey through the day. I have nothing bad to say about the school, but they are simply dealing with his actions. They have not suggested any other possible issues. I don't think they can legally suggest other problems.