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Rectum Stretcher

finelyshedded

You know what!!!
Supporting Member
31,855
260
SW Ohio
THE RECTUM STRETCHER....

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in.
I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole ? " he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge."

Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face? PRICELESS!!!!
 
Funny, but true in more ways than one.
I've heard more than one cop say that most people "earn" a ticket, when the officer was going to warn them and let them go.

I have an Aunt that got pulled over for doing 63 in a 55, by a State Trooper. As soon as the Trooper walked up to the car she handed him her license and said, "You might as well start writing, you got me! I had to be doing around 63, when I seen you and I have no excuse...other than I'm in too big of a hurry."

The Trooper looked at her license and said, "Well, you're right, I had you on my radar at 63. I notice here that you live a half mile from here."
Aunt: "Yep, that's my house right up there."
Trooper: "Well, you need to slow down. Since you admitted to the speed and stopped right away, without me having to chase you, I'm going to let you go with a warning."

I told my Aunt she was lucky...REAL lucky.
Bowhunter57
 

buckbuster217

*Supporting Member*
3,136
85
Byesville, Ohio
Derry Null, the taxidermist from Zanesville was telling me in his shop one day that he got pulled over by a Zanesville cop coming home from work one morning ( he is a retired firefighter for Zanesville) , he had just finished a 24 hr shift and hadn't got much sleep, so when the cop walked up to the car and looked at him and seen his bloodshot eyes he asked him if he had been drinking, Derrys reply to the officer was your eyes look a little glazed , you been eating doughnuts? He said it didn't work out real well for him!!!!
 

finelyshedded

You know what!!!
Supporting Member
31,855
260
SW Ohio
Derry Null, the taxidermist from Zanesville was telling me in his shop one day that he got pulled over by a Zanesville cop coming home from work one morning ( he is a retired firefighter for Zanesville) , he had just finished a 24 hr shift and hadn't got much sleep, so when the cop walked up to the car and looked at him and seen his bloodshot eyes he asked him if he had been drinking, Derrys reply to the officer was your eyes look a little glazed , you been eating doughnuts? He said it didn't work out real well for him!!!!

Gotta love Derry! That is hilarious! Sounds like something he would come back with! Rotflmao